• Go to clutterdiet.com and download the free Clutter Fitness Workbook.
• Schedule time to work your way through the workbook and do it.
• Prepare a weekly action plan and make sure you follow through.
• Go to Goodwill and start assembling your magnificent costume.  Drop off a load of your own stuff while you are there.
• Read The Clutter Diet with us this month and talk about it on the calls, live or here in the comments.

Expect the process of starting new uncluttering habits to stretch you in ways you didn’t foresee.  Last week, my friend Karen allowed me to drop in on a fitness class she is teaching at the Southwest Church of Christ School of Biblical Studies.  Karen’s workout stretched me in ways I did not foresee…I was sore for a few days.  Don’t be surprised if you get tired, feel sore and act grumpy when you start to get rid of the clutter.

Once you remove enough of the clutter that you regain a home space for renewal, you will be amazed at how well you keep your energy up and feel great about spending time at home.  Once you start feeling great about spending time at home, watch what your family starts doing.

You can access the weekly calls at (512) 501-4531 121014#.

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

MindTamers

Tuesday Book Club 7/27/10

Tuesday Book Club 8/3/10

Tuesday Book Club 8/10/10

In a subsequent publication, research from the Gordon Training International of over 250,000 parents who attended P. E. T. training classes revealed there were three ideas a parent has to accept if they really want to improve their parenting skills.

1. Children must be respected as individual persons, not as a different species or anomalies in time.

2. How the child behaves is largely determined by what goes on in the parent-child relationship.

3. There are fundamental principles about interpersonal relationships that must be understood.  The two primary principles are: all humans are inconsistent in what behaviors they find acceptable in another (it is okay for parents to be inconsistent); and the principle of problem ownership (who owns a problem determines the strategy one must use to successfully communicate at that point in time).

Start now to change the habits that hurt you as a parent and build new habits using the helping skills Dr. Gordon describes in Parent Effectiveness Training.  Those helping skills are:

• four basic listening skills that communicate messages like “I won’t take your problem away from you and I am here to help you find your solution”;  “I have faith that you have all the ability you need to handle your problem constructively”; and “I love you for who you are and problems are a normal part of life.”

• how to talk so that kids will listen

• how to change behavior by modifying the environment

• win-win conflict resolution which is helpful when a behavior is impacting both people in the relationship

Tuesday Book Club Meets live at Laura’s Library, 9411 Bee Cave Road, Austin, TX 78733 next Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 6:30 PM CDT in Austin, Texas.  Join us for practice of the core skills in Dr. Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training book and for fun frank discussion about the challenges of parenting.

If you are out of town, join via teleconference at 7:00 PM CDT on 8/17/10 at (512) 501-4531 and code 121014#.

Your comments and questions are welcome here as another avenue for book discussion and personal growth.  Until next time, remember one idea is all it takes to change your world.  Have you already fallen in love with an idea and are having trouble getting back up when someone or something knocks you down?  Find your tribe and mastermind with them.

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

Vice President, MindTamers

Reference:
P.E.T. in Action, Thomas Gordon, General Publishing Company, Toronto, Canada, 1976

At the heart of the Dr. Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training are listening and speaking skills that help you clarify what you hear and what you say to other people.  The last Tuesday Book Club teleconference gave participants a chance to practice active listening in a safe friendly no risk environment.  There are free videos available of all of the skills described in the book at Gordon Training International.  At least two generations of families around the world have adopted active listening and I-messages into their communication arsenal and dramatically improved family communication.

Here are the questions for the next two chapters of Parent Effectiveness Training, our August Tuesday Book Club selection.

Parent Effectiveness Training Chapter 6:  How to Talk So Kids Will Listen To You

Who owns the problem in this chapter?

What feelings are clues to who owns the problem?

List a few examples where you have owned the problem in a relationship.

Who does the parent need to help when the parent owns the problem?

What three alternatives does the parent have when he or she owns the problem?

What are the effects of sending solution and put-down messages?

Why are “I-messages” more effective than ”you-messages”?

What two characteristics foster intimacy?

Parent Effectiveness Training Chapter 7:  Putting “I-Messages to Work”

What are three common mistakes when using “I –messages”?

How do you use an “I-message” with a pre-verbal child?

What possible solutions can be used if children do not respond to “I-messages” at first?

What did you learn about the mixing of “I-messages” and active listening?

Tuesday Book Club meets by teleconference again on  Tuesday August 10, 2010 at 7:00 AM CDT at (512) 501-4531 and code 121014#.  Join us to practice these vital communication skills is there is any room for communication improvement in your relationships.

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

MindTamers.com

Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children by Dr. Thomas Gordon shocks the reader into an entirely different mindset.  There are two main reasons why people fail to implement the principles of Parent Effectiveness Training. Either they feel that they cannot afford to “surrender” their position of power in the parent-child relationship or, the idea of putting so much effort into a new pattern of communication is too exhausting.

The Tuesday Book Club is spending the month of August studying Parent Effectiveness Training.  There are free weekly teleconference discussions and if you are in Austin, a free live meeting on the Third Tuesday at Laura’s Library.  Last week our teleconference focused on the front matter and first two chapters.  Click here to listen and catch up.

Here are some discussion questions for chapters three through five
that will help you start to use the language of acceptance that is so necessary in a successful relationship.

Parent Effectiveness Training Chapter 3: How to Listen So Kids Will Talk to You: The Language of Acceptance

What example do you have of a child refusing to talk to a parent?

How is unacceptance communicated?

Name two ways to communicate acceptance non-verbally.  Try these and record your results.

Write what your exact verbal response would be if your child came home and said:

“School just isn’t for me.  I’ve decided not to go to college.  There are so many other ways to succeed these days.”

“I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me.  Susie used to like me but now she never comes to play.  Every time I go to her house, she is playing with Brianna.  They have fun and I just feel left out.  I hate them.”

“How come I have to mow the lawn?  Sam’s family has a gardener     to do that stuff.  You are not fair!  This is child abuse!  Nobody works as hard as I do!”

You are having another couple over for dinner.  Your five year old     burst into the room as you are enjoying the after-dinner conversation and shouts:
“You are all a bunch of stinking fish heads!  I hate you and wish you never came here!”

Classify your responses according to the categories in Chapter 3.  Do you tend to communicate acceptance or the opposite?

How many meanings does a typical verbal response carry?

Name three “door openers” you are willing to try.  Record what happens when you try them out.

What is active listening?

Try it out on a stranger and record what happens.

Why should people learn the skill of active listening?

What are the six requirements for Active listening to be genuine?

What are the risks of active listening?

Parent Effectiveness Training Chapter 4:  Putting Your Active Listening Skills to Work

What is the most important action a person must take to master active listening?

When is it most appropriate to use active listening?

What three classifications apply to any situation encountered in a relationship?

Why is it important to classify situations?

What does active listening help the child find?

Name five common mistakes to active listening.

Parent Effectiveness Training Chapter 5:  How to Listen to Kids Too Young to Talk Much

What two requirements must be met to use active listening effectively in children less than 4 years old?

How do you “learn to listen accurately to non-verbal communication”?

What can a parent give a child if the parent listens accurately to non-verbal communication?

What do most parents do instead?

What is the long-term result of this choice?

An Unofficial Reader’s Journal to Parent Effectiveness Training, based on the 1975 edition of this classic is available as a free resource to you.  Please join us Tuesday, August 3 at 7 PM CDT (512) 501-4531 enter the code 121014# for a live discussion of some of these questions and your experience as you read this manual on communication skills that will revolutionize every single relationship in which you engage.

Your comments and questions are welcome below.  Remember, all it takes is one idea to change your world.

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.
Vice President, MindTamers

You can pick up a copy of his book at any bookstore or at any library.  Tuesday Book Club will meet weekly by phone (and will have a live Austin meeting on August 17, 2010) to cover this amazing classic.  The book has 16 chapters and 5 practice exercises in an appendix.  Here is the format for our first meeting which will be a teleconference on Tuesday, July 27 at 7 AM CDT.  The number for the call is: (512) 501-4531 and code 121014#.  Plan on reading about four chapters a week and on practicing your new communication skills at least 3 hours a week if you want to develop a new habit of communication before the end of the month.  Don’t worry, you can intersperse the practice into your daily activities…in casual conversation with drivers, athletic partners, wait staff, passersby and others.

It is hard to master these skills in just a month unless you really bend your will to that goal.  Here are a few tips that helped our family develop new communication habits taught in this book twenty years ago.

1. Identify at least one person with whom you can practice the skills daily.
2. Make appointments with your buddy and keep them.
3. Practice, practice, practice.
4. Make a list of example phrases and post on your refrigerator, bathroom mirror or on the notepad of your smart phone.

Most readers who are new to these ideas need room for their own questions to be answered, especially when digesting the first four chapters.  Please post your questions here and they will be answered on Tuesday each week.  I promise you that if you will simply give these ideas a try, you will be amazed at the changes possible within your family and not just with your children.  You will begin to use them with coworkers, friends and everyone you love.

So just a reminder about the calls and live meetings:

First and third Tuesdays at 7 PM CDT via telecomference (512) 501-4531 and code 121014#.

Second and fourth Tuesdays at 7 AM CDT via teleconference (512) 501-4531 and code 121014#.

Live in Austin, Texas, third Tuesdays 6:30 PM at Laura’s Library on Bee Caves Road.

We welcome you to participate here in blog comments and to come to as many or as few of our book club meetings as your time allows.  Better yet, start your own book club!

Until next time remember all it takes is one idea to rock your world!

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 7 PM CDT is another chance to ask and answer questions about Ruby and the Stargazers with Marci Henna.  The Austin number is (512) 501-4531 and dial the code: 121014#.  Here are a few thought questions for you to ponder.  As you read the book ask answer and comment here.

• When you read about the recipes and their significance in this book, what favorite recipe came to your mind?
• Who’s Santa are you?

• How do you let others know when you need a Santa?

Think about those, add your own and come talk with Marci on Tuesday!

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

MindTamers

• How do you cope with losses like these sisters experienced?
• Who are your Walt and Ruby and what do they mean to you?
• What emotions were most powerful as you got into the middle of this book?

Our teleconference call is at 7AM CDT Tuesday, July 13, 2010.  The Austin number is (512) 501-4531 and dial the code: 121014#.  Remember that your comments and questions are welcome here!

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

MindTamers

Now let’s get down to the first discussion questions about Ruby and the Stargazers.  Remember, we have weekly discussion on Tuesday evenings (7PM CDT) by phone the first and third Tuesdays of the month and on Tuesday mornings on the second and fourth Tuesdays of the month (7AM CDT).  We will have four discussion calls July 6 and 20 at 7 PM CDT and July 13 and 27 at 7 AM CDT on this book and no live meeting this month.

Here are the questions for our first call:

• Do you have your own Fireside, Texas to return to?  What is similar between Marci’s Fireside and yours?
• With whom do you identify most closely in this book and why?
• How has the Douglas Jerrold quote proven to be true or false in your life?

Remember, if you cannot make the call, you can always discuss the questions in the comments below.  Also, if you have specific questions for Marci, she will be joining our calls on July 6 and July 20, 2010 at 7 PM CDT.

Don’t forget August’s book is Parent Effectiveness Training.

We will be practicing Dr. Gordon’s suggestions on all of the calls and at the live meeting in Austin on August 17, 2010.  These communication skills can transform any relationship and are not just for parents.  Do not miss this opportunity to develop a new communication habit.

Roy Williams is right.  Words are electric.  The chapters in Secret Formulas of the Wizard of Ads brim with color and vibrancy.  Discussing it with intelligent eager readers was a great way to energize for the whole day.  Next Tuesday at 7:00 PM CDT dial in to (512) 716-6511 then enter the code 973640# for an hour long teleconference discussion of Part Three: Side Door into the Mind and Part Four: Turning Lead into Gold. Much more than a book about ad writing, it is a primer in persuasive communication.

Here are the questions we will start with on the call:

• How does the composition of human thought presented here differ from your definition?
• Why should you saturate your mind with poetry?
• What four things of power should be used with care and why?
• What does wisdom live in?

Ready for the entire Unauthorized Reader’s Journal?  Here it is.URGSFotWoABCLG51310

Why dont’ you plan to meet us at Laura’s Library at 6:30 PM on June 1, 2010 for the First Tuesday Book Club live discussion.  Not in Austin?  Plan you own meeting for that evening.  I look forward to your comments and questions on this book.  You can post them here!

In friendship,

Lori L. Barr, M. D.

Vice President, MindTamers

“I thought it was just a book about advertising!”

“No!” I said, “It is a book about communication.”

Spring and summer are the communication seasons.  April showers plus a little sun translate into spectacular bluebonnets.   Young leaves dance the breezes like leprechauns.  Birds, bees, spring and summer buzz.

What’s the buzz?  There is no buzz if there is no one to hear and help move the message.  So how do you become a master message crafter?  Become a great story teller.  You can improve your story-telling skills with three easy steps.

1. Listen to and read great stories.  Attend an event like the National Storytelling Conference.  Listen to your favorite uncle who always has a great story.
2. Build a portfolio of your own stories.  Actually write them down.  Edit your writing so your messages zings into the listener’s ear.
3. Increase your awareness of what makes a message lodge into the subconscious mind.  May is full of opportunities to level up.  Here are a few ways to increase your awareness that center around one book and one location.

Roy H. Williams is a master story teller.   In his second best seller, Secret Formulas of the Wizard of Ads, he probes the power of words and the connections they must forge in the mind to be memorable.  Grab a copy of this book and take a summer ride with the top down.  First Tuesday and Tuesdays at Seven Book Clubbers are reading this book this month as a part of the free Build A Book Club program.  You can read it with us or with your own group using these simple steps:

• Read about 80 pages per week.  Don’t worry, there are lots of pictures.
• Think about the answers to questions that personalize the book for you. (Keep reading for a few starter questions for Part 1 and Part 2.)
• Meet with other folks doing the same thing once a week.  Call in to (512) 716-6511 and use the conference code 973640# at 7 am CDT on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 if you want to join other like-minded folks reading this book this month.

Here are some of the questions we will discuss on Tuesday’s call for Part 1 and Part 2 of Secret Formulas of the Wizard of Ads:

MindTamers will meet two other times by phone and one time live to discuss this book:

• May 18, 2010 at 7:00 pm CDT same conference line, same conference code to discuss Parts 3 and 4
• May 25, 2010 at 7:00 am CDT same conference line, same conference code to discuss Parts 5 and 6 (We will be calling in from Wizard Academy itself for this call!)
• June 1, 2010 at 6:30 pm at Laura’s Library in Austin for the First Tuesday Book Club.
• All of these are open to the public.
• If you would like to meet the Wizard of Ads himself for free, go to the free public seminar on May 21, 2010.  Don’t delay, this event sells out every time it is offered.

Here’s to more successful connections in every aspect of your life.  If you like this idea of a master mind book club, you can learn how to build your own successful book club or join ours as an insider.

Buzz buzz! Post your questions or comments here. Let me know if you want to hear the recording of this week’s teleconference.

Lori L. Barr, M. D.
Vice President, MindTamers